Let's just get one thing straight right now: the new Star Wars movie is going to disappoint.
If you're a fan, you first realized this when Disney bought the franchise in 2012.
It was as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. It was the perfect time for your best "NOOOOOOO!!!!" Luke Skywalker impression.
Ain't no Disney movie ever gonna be the Star Wars sequel/prequel I've been dreaming of since I first saw the credits roll to "Return of the Jedi."
Related: May the Fourth Be With You
I'll admit; I was temporarily mollified when the Episode VII cast list was announced recently and it included original cast members Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Anthony Daniels, Peter Mayhew, and Kenny Baker.
I thought for a second, "Hey, maybe this won't be so bad."
Then I remembered that Harrison Ford is really, really old.
Remember when he came back for another Indiana Jones? You probably don't because that movie was so painfully embarrassing that most everyone has blocked it from their memory.
The point is, I am a Star Wars fan for exactly two reasons:
1) My dad was 14 years old in the summer of 1977, when Star Wars first came out. He knows everything there is to know about the franchise including trivia, rumors and where George Lucas is at all times.
If you bring up Star Wars around my dad, you will be sucked into a four-hour debate about how the Expanded Universe could actually work nicely with the new movies. If you are me, you will love every second of it.
2) Harrison Ford. What can I say? Harrison Ford's Han Solo had floppy hair and a bad attitude but he got things done — with or without (usually without) — lightspeed.
While Harrison Ford's performance in this new movie will likely be less than impressive, I'll still go to see it.
No matter how terrible the movie is, I'll still get to dissect every moment with my dad. We'll find all the inconsistencies in the plot, try to predict what's coming next and bemoan Lucas's decision to give away his baby.
See, what Disney actually bought wasn't just beloved characters and a weird science fiction story.
They bought the attention of generations of people who grew up making lightsabers out of cardboard. They bought the chance to win a fan base that's so loyal they make Harry Potter fans look lackadaisical.
Die-hard fans are going to criticize everything about the new Star Wars movie. But you know what?
We're gonna be there opening night.