By Jeff Gillaspy
There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who never did,
Who won't anymore,
And who always will.
So don't worry about people from your past; there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.?What follows allegedly are perks of officially becoming older than dirt.
? Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
? In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
? People call at 9 p.m. and ask,"Did I wake you?"
? People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
? There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
? Things you buy now won't wear out.
? You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
? You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
? You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
? You sing along with elevator music.
? Your eyes won't get much worse.
? Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
? Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them, either.
? Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
? You can't remember who sent you this list.
(Submitted by ?????????)?Johnny Six offers this Thought for The Day.
Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow a mystery,
Today is a gift,
That's why they call it "The Present."
Six also sent the following message, which I am taking as a compliment - sort of:
"I know you lean left, but to me, you're all right."?A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3-year-old grandson.
It's obvious to the woman that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy, cookies and soda pop up and down the aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long .... Easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. "It's none of my business," she says to the man, "but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thank you," says the grandfather, "but I'm William. ... That little?Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.?
Stream of semiconsciousness
Speaking of pizza, it soon will be 30 years since I was a member of the Truth team that selected Colombo's pie as the Great Elkhart Pizza. Yum. Still fine. ... Marjorie Carrico advises us to forgive everyone for everything - now. ... Let's see. Most street and road and bridge work is nearly finished - but now stopped for one reason or another. Maybe before snowfall. ...
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain (Anon.). ... A friend says his church is very comfortable in summertime. It's prayer-conditioned. ... Someday, someone may offer you big money to name the capital of Turkey. Remember, it's not Istanbul. It's Ankara. ...
I'm told that "bookkeeper" is the only word in English language with three consecutive double letters. Can't prove it by me. ... Raoul says his mother also taught him about justice: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. ...
Toddy has this wish for you: May you always have love to share, health to spare and friends who care. ... For what it's worth, Johnny Appleseed is buried at Fort Wayne. ... Yes, children, I was around long before there was email. I actually wrote letters with a pen or pencil and sent them by hand through the Postal Service. ... firstname.lastname@example.org.?What Someone Said: " Reputation is what other people think of you. Character is who you really are, even when no one is watching."